Thoughts...

The other day at lunch, I sat on the bench and was listening to my ipod of newly added songs. As I sat there I would catch myself watching people walking by and studying there manerisms, their interactions with a loved one and their facial expressions. Now, I use to sit in Central Park a lot last spring and write, make up stories about people, but after the past 6 months of my life I have been completely altered, thrown off my game and it's ok. It was welcomed. I have been shaken to my core. All those stories I have created were really meaningless because I never felt what love is outside of my family. I could try to understand, but now I get it. It's scary that one person can have such an effect on you, but it's really beautiful too. I am definitely not the same man I was on May 25th because on May 26th I finally met someone worth making an effort for. I can't tell you why this man got me, but he did. It may have been the walk from Chipotle to the train when he slowly and almost in a sly way reached out and rubbed the top of my head. I asked immediately... "how long have you been wanting to do that" his response "the moment I saw you" HA. He was honest, straightforward and I liked that. It's rare to find. My walk was a little lighter after that night....

Anyway, so as I sat watching everyone walk by I began to notice a pattern. The people who had a "person" with them had a smile on their face, a lighter step in their walk and almost an air about them. A freeness of being comfortable and happy. The people who walked by me alone either was on their phone, mumbling to themselves or a look of sadness on their face. Now I know you can't be with someone 24/7. Everyone needs their space, even me, but you could tell in their eyes they were longing for their phone to ring, a text, someone to tap them on the shoulder and say hi or just to walk silently with them.

You don't need anyone to make you complete, but you should want someone to share your life with-- the highs, the lows and everything in between. Everyone is built differently and what works for one person, does not mean it will work for you. I personally know that what you set out to do in life or how you expect things to turn out can change in an instant. Yes, have a picture in your mind or a plan of how you want your life to be, but don't be afraid of the curve ball that may be thrown your way. Sometimes in life you just have to do and not think. You may let life pass you by if you think about every single step...

Think about it and call me back :)

Your Gut

Have you ever been so sure about anything in your life and just couldn't let yourself give up on it because you know deep down it is meant to be? I know I should try and not wait, not wait around and I should really try to see what else is going on in my life and focus on that, but a song, a movie, an event and they all bring me back to with what I am consumed with. Is there a reason for this? Is there a reason why I can't turn the page. Maybe because I'm not ready to turn the page, maybe I am just so numb I can't even lift the page to begin with.

I love. I truly love, selfless love... the feeling that I never thought I could have for anyone and really be able to express that love and now, I still have that love, maybe even more so because it isn't sitting next to me, or lying next to me at night or holding me. I miss his laugh, the sideways smirk when something is on his mind, the random hair on his ear, the kisses on my neck, our toes intertwined with one another. I miss him. All of him. I was happy with him and now I feel lost, sad, anxious and weary of what is down the road. I've given a lot of myself to someone and I don't regret one minute of it. Has it been an easy road, NO, but things that are worth anything take effort. Do I believe this could be an amazing relationship yes, and that is why I am not turning the page, that is why I won't turn the page. I feel it, deep down, I have never been more sure of anything in my life. Will it come true, time will tell.

Think about it and call me back :)